Language and Linguistics | Cambridge Core

Wow, I wish I could write like that.

How do you fancy readers coming away from your work with just such a feeling?

Now we’ve covered the essentials of good communication, writing to woo and wow an audience is our next destination both in the book and in the course. After all, why just write when you can do so with substance and significance, sparkle and style?

To help us, we explore lessons from classic literature, pop music, great speeches, insights from the world of journalism and the BBC, and the wisdom of the finest writers history has seen.

Let’s find out what you know, or, if you’ve read the book, can remember. We’ll begin with starts and ends, as the most important parts of any piece of writing:

QUIZ

Now let’s put that learning into practice with another game.

Below is an email I’ve written to everyone at Communication College, a mythical addition to the University of Cambridge. Can you help me improve it, so it includes the lessons from the quiz and makes sure we get a good crowd at the event?

Try to spot what I’ve done wrong, and feel free to invent any details which might be required. Use the insights we’ve explored from the previous chapter, as well as this one.

When you’ve had a go at rewriting the email, you can click below to compare your thoughts with ours.

An example email with the the following text: An opportunity to come together and say goodbye to a long serving member of staff Hello, and I hope you’re enjoying the fine weather of the moment. What a difference it makes. The college always looks so much happier and more radiant in the sunshine, wouldn’t you say? I thought I would write to let you know that we’re planning a get together to say goodbye to Jack, our long serving gardener. He’s been with us since he was only 17, making a total of 51 years now. Isn’t it remarkable? All that time tending the college lawns and flower beds, and always making them look beautiful, as I hope you’ll agree. In fact, vita officii, as we might say. Jack waves goodbye to the college on Friday, so please join us in bidding him a very fond farewell. There will be fizz and cakes, and a few speeches naturally. We look forward to seeing you. In the meantime, please don’t forget to tidy out the clutter from your rooms in preparation for the annual great college clean up. And also to remember that the south entrance to college will be closed on Thursday afternoon for maintenance on the clock tower. In case you need reminding, the west gate is the nearest other entrance. Best wishes to everyone, and keep enjoying the sunshine, but remember to avoid the heat of the midday and always wear sun block.

What did you make of that? Have you managed to spot the problems and come up with an improved version?

First, let’s see what the errors were:

What did you make of that? Have you managed to spot the problems and come up with an improved version?

First, let’s see what the errors were:

An opportunity to come together and say goodbye to a long serving member of staff

Bad: a very ordinary and boring title, which might inform but doesn’t interest or intrigue

Hello, and I hope you’re enjoying the fine weather of the moment. What a difference it makes. The college always looks so much happier and more radiant in the sunshine, wouldn’t you say?

Bad on two counts: digression from the narrative/angle, and hardly a beginning which gets right to the heart of the story, establishes the writer’s character and makes anyone want to read on.

I thought I would write to let you know that we’re planning a get together to say goodbye to Jack, our long serving gardener. He’s been with us since he was only 17, making a total of 51 years now. Isn’t it remarkable? All that time tending the college lawns and flower beds, and always making them look beautiful, as I hope you’ll agree.

Bad: not exactly less is more. Although at least some interesting and relevant information is there.

In fact, vita officii, as we might say.

Bad: foreign phrasing. Latin, in this case, meaning life of duty. Why not just say that instead? Remember to KISS: Keep It Simple, Silly.

Jack waves goodbye to the college on Friday, so please join us in bidding him a very fond farewell. There will be fizz and cakes, and a few speeches naturally. We look forward to seeing you.

Bad on two counts: again useful content, but no details about where and when to get together. Also, it’s wordy and hardly less is more.

In the meantime, please don’t forget to tidy out the clutter from your rooms in preparation for the annual great college clean up. And also to remember that the south entrance to college will be closed on Thursday afternoon for maintenance on the clock tower. In case you need reminding, the west gate is the nearest other entrance.

Best wishes to everyone, and keep enjoying the sunshine, but remember to avoid the heat of the midday and always wear sun block.

Triple bad: again wordy and far from less is more. But even more importantly, another digression, and in no way ending by summing up the story memorably and emphatically.

An image of the previous email with comments added in red script: An opportunity to come together and say goodbye to a long serving member of staff Bad: a very ordinary and boring title, which might inform but doesn’t interest or intrigue Hello, and I hope you’re enjoying the fine weather of the moment. What a difference it makes. The college always looks so much happier and more radiant in the sunshine, wouldn’t you say? Bad on two counts: digression from the narrative/angle, and hardly a beginning which gets right to the heart of the story, establishes the writer’s character and makes anyone want to read on. I thought I would write to let you know that we’re planning a get together to say goodbye to Jack, our long serving gardener. He’s been with us since he was only 17, making a total of 51 years now. Isn’t it remarkable? All that time tending the college lawns and flower beds, and always making them look beautiful, as I hope you’ll agree. Bad: not exactly less is more. Although at least some interesting and relevant information is there. In fact, vita officii, as we might say. Bad: foreign phrasing. Latin, in this case, meaning life of duty. Why not just say that instead? Remember to KISS: Keep It Simple, Silly. Jack waves goodbye to the college on Friday, so please join us in bidding him a very fond farewell. There will be fizz and cakes, and a few speeches naturally. We look forward to seeing you. Bad on two counts: again useful content, but no details about where and when to get together. Also, it’s wordy and hardly less is more.

As for a revised version of the email, here’s our offering. Don’t worry if yours isn’t an exact match. Communication is an art, not a science, and there are many different ways of phrasing your thoughts.

Just so long as you’ve applied the learning from Chapters 1 and 2, you’ve no doubt improved the message.

An image of an email with the following text: Farewell to a fine old friend of our flowers Hello, with sad news of an emotional goodbye. Please help us say farewell to a great friend of the college, who’s kept our beautiful home looking amazing for more than half a century. Jack, our long serving gardener, leaves us on Friday. He’s been at the college since he was only 17, making 51 years of service. We’re meeting at five in the Fellows’ Garden. There will be fizz and cakes, and a few speeches naturally. We look forward to seeing you. Let’s wave Jack off in a way which we can find uplifting, the college can be proud of, and which leaves him with a lasting smile as he concentrates on his own garden in retirement.

Do you see the difference applying the principles of good communication makes?

First, a much more effective title. Then being clear on your story and sticking to it; making sure to include the necessary facts; and wielding the power of less is more, saying only what you need to say.

In addition, having a beginning which sets out the story, establishes the writer’s character, and makes the reader want to find out more. Finally, an ending which sums up the story, memorably and emphatically.

Writing to Woo and Wow