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Sex, Time, and Meaning: A Theology of Dating

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  09 September 2014

Jason King
Affiliation:
Lourdes College, New York University
Donna Freitas
Affiliation:
Lourdes College, New York University

Abstract

Our paper sets the groundwork for a Christian theology of dating. We begin with a critique of the religious and secular sources on dating. We next turn to theological works on friendship, marriage, and feminist spirituality to distill issues that we deem important for a positive Christian theology of dating. Because dating differs from these perspectives—it is both temporary (as opposed to marriage) and sexual (as opposed to friendship)—we conclude by offering a two-tiered perspective on dating. On the first level, we offer a narrative: two people are each on a separate journey, they encounter each other, their journeys become intertwined and are forever changed from the meeting even if they do not remain together. On the second level, we sublate the narrative by locating it within the broader Christian gospel.

Type
Articles
Copyright
Copyright © The College Theology Society 2003

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References

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2 Ibid., chap. 1.

3 Ibid., 17–18.

4 See Lawler, Ronald, Boyle, Joseph, and May, William, Catholic Sexual Ethics: A Summary, Explanation, and Defense (Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor, 1998)Google Scholar, chap. 6 and 8; Curran, Charles E. and McCormick, Richard, eds., Readings in Moral Theology No. 8: Dialogue About Catholic Sexual Teaching (New York: Paulist, 1993), part 7.Google Scholar

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7 Ibid., 172. He does qualify his position by stating that in certain circumstances (e.g., lack of knowledge, immaturity, slow moral development), people engaging in premarital sex may not be committing subjective sin.

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12 Generally, many people brought up in a Christian community leave it during their high school and college years only to return when they are married with children. While we by no means think this is because the Church lacks a theology of dating, we would argue that we facilitate the departure because we offer them no means of making sense of this part of their life other than, “It is dangerous.”

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15 Ibid., 8.3.

17 Ibid., 8.3–4. See also ibid., 8.13: “for those who are friends on the ground of virtue are anxious to do well be each other … each man desires what is good.”

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29 On the importance of narrative, see Hauerwas, StanleyA Community of Character (Notre Dame, IN: University of Notre Dame Press, 1986), 145–51.Google Scholar We believe that narratives can provide paradigmatic examples that assist people in their attempts to understand the meaning, morality, and spiritual dimensions of dating.

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35 This is not meant to imply that relationships in general are a hindrance to one's relationship with God but only that Day's particular relationship presented problems for her particular relationship to God.

36 Meier, John P., A Marginal Jew, vol. 3: Companions and Competitors (Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 2001), 8082.Google Scholar We are gratefully to Christopher McMahon, a professor at Mt. Marty College, for providing us with this reference.