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3 - Dealing with tantrums

from Factsheets for parents, carers and anyone who works with young people

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  02 January 2018

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Summary

What causes a tantrum?

This is a normal part of growing up. Between the ages of 1 and 4 years, most children will have tantrums. As children grow they are learning to become more physically independent. For example, they may want to play, want to dress and feed themselves, or pour their own juice. Your child therefore can get very upset if they are unable to do something or if they are stopped. A battle between freedom and frustration can lead to tantrums.

Tantrums can also occur when a child is:

  • • tired

  • • hungry

  • • feeling ignored

  • • worried or anxious – a younger child may be unable to tell you that they are anxious and they may cry, become clingy and have tantrums.

  • What can I do when my child is having a tantrum?

    Your child's screams and yells can be alarming. You may feel angry, discouraged and hopeless. You will almost certainly be embarrassed if a tantrum occurs in a public place or in front of other people.

    It is not easy being a parent or carer of a toddler. However, it is important to set the rules, so your child learns to deal with their emotions. Remember, it is only natural that children will try to push the limits. Here are some ideas which may work for you and your child.

  • • Don't panic The main thing to do is to stay calm and not to get upset. Just remind yourself that this is normal, that lots of parents do deal with it, be reassured that you will manage this too.

  • • Ignore the tantrum You should calmly continue with whatever you are doing – chatting to someone else, packing your shopping or whatever. Every so often check to make sure your child is safe. Ignoring your child is very hard, but if you answer back, or even smack them, you are giving them the attention they are demanding.

  • • Be consistent with rules You are trying to teach your child that rules are important and that you will stick to them.

  • • Pay attention to any good behaviour As soon as you see any signs of calming down, e.g. they stop screaming, praise them.

  • Type
    Chapter
    Information
    Mental Health and Growing Up
    Factsheets for Parents, Teachers and Young People
    , pp. 52 - 53
    Publisher: Royal College of Psychiatrists
    Print publication year: 2013

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