Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-7479d7b7d-fwgfc Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-07-11T04:35:21.887Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

Chapter 2 - Entraining, Becoming, and Loving

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  03 December 2018

By
Krystyna S. Aune  and
R. Kelly Aune
Edited by
Robert J. Sternberg  and
Karin Sternberg
Robert J. Sternberg
Affiliation:
Cornell University, New York
Karin Sternberg
Affiliation:
Cornell University, New York
Get access

Summary

A perusal of any number of internet sites that purport to help us with our relationships will reiterate the common wisdom “Don’t expect him/her to change after marriage.” This is an aphorism that is drilled into young people’s minds to the point that it has become a truism. But is it true? Is there evidence (besides the insistent and hard-won anecdotes of a few friends) that what we see in the beginnings of our pair-bond relationships is what we will get, and continue to get long down the road?

Type
Chapter
Information
The New Psychology of Love , pp. 25 - 41
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2018

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Acevedo, B., Aron, A., Fisher, H. E., & Brown, L. L. (2012). Neural correlates of long-term intense love. SCAN, 7, 145–159. doi: 10.1093/scan/nsq092.Google Scholar
Agnew, C. R., & Etcheverry, P. E. (2006). Cognitive interdependence: Considering self-in-relationship. In Finkel, E. & Vohs, K. (Eds.), Self and relationships: Connecting intrapersonal and interpersonal processes (pp. 274–293). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 939–954. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.74.4.939.Google Scholar
Aron, E. N., & Aron, A. (1996). Love and expansion of the self: The state of the model. Personal Relationships, 3, 45–58. doi: 10.1111/j.1475–6811.1996.tb00103.x.Google Scholar
Aron, A, Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., Nelson, G., & Miller, N. (1991). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(2), 241–253. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.60.2.241.Google Scholar
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.273.Google Scholar
Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 1102–1112. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.69.6.1102.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Buss, D. M. (1988). Love acts: The evolutionary biology of love. In Sternberg, R. J. & Barnes, M. L. (Eds.), The psychology of love (pp. 100–118). New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.Google Scholar
De Boer, A., Van Buel, E. M., & Ter Horst, G. J. (2012). Love is more than just a kiss: Neurobiological perspective on love and affection. Neuroscience, 201, 114–124. doi: 10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017.Google Scholar
Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). Close partner as sculptor of the ideal self: Behavioral affirmation and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 293–323. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.77.2.293.Google Scholar
Duck, S. (1990a). Where do all the kisses go? Rapport, positivity, and relational-level analyses of interpersonal enmeshment. Psychological Inquiry, 1, 308–309. doi: 10.1207/s15327965pli0104_7.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Duck, S. (1990b). Relationships as unfinished business: Out of the frying pan and into the 1990s. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 7, 5–28. doi: 10.1177/0265407590071001.Google Scholar
Duck, S. (1995). Talking relationships into being. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 12, 535–552. doi: 10.1177/0265407595124006.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Duck, S., Rutt, D. J., Hurst, M. H., & Strejc, H. (1991). Some evident truths about conversations in everyday relationships: All communications are not created equal. Human Communication Research, 18, 228–267. doi: 10.1111/j.1468–2958.1991.tb00545.x.Google Scholar
Fazendeiro, T., Chenier, T., & Winkielman, P. (2007). How dynamics of thinking create affective and cognitive feelings: Psychology of neuroscience of the connection between fluency, liking, and memory. In Harmon-Jones, E. & Winkielman, P. (Eds.), Social neuroscience: Integrating biological and psychological explanations of social behavior (pp. 271–289). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006). Romantic love: A mammalian brain system for Mate choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal B Society, 361, 2173–2186. doi: 10.1098/rstb.2006.1938.Google Scholar
Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., Mashek, D., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2002). Defining the brain systems of lust, romantic attraction, and attachment. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31, 413–419. doi: 10.1023/A:1019888024255.Google Scholar
Fletcher, G., Simpson, J. A., Campbell, L., & Overall, N. C. (2013). The science of intimate relationships. Chichester, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.Google Scholar
Gasiorek, J., & Aune, R. K. (2017). Text features related to message comprehension. In Oxford research encyclopedia of communication. Retrieved from http://communication.oxfordre.com/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190228613.001.0001/acrefore-9780190228613-e-303.Google Scholar
Goldsmith, D. J., & Baxter, L. A. (1996). Constituting relationships in talk: A taxonomy of speech events in social and personal relationships. Human Communication Research, 23, 87–114. doi: 10.1111/j.1468–2958.1996.tb00388.x.Google Scholar
Graham, J. M., & Harf, M. R. (2014). Self-expansion and flow: The roles of challenge, skill, affect, and activation. Personal Relationships, 22, 45–64. doi: 10.1111/pere.12062.Google Scholar
Hasson, U., Ghazanfar, A. A., Galantucci, B., Garrod, S., & Keysers, C. (2012). Brain-to-brain coupling: A mechanism for creating and sharing a social world. Trends in Cognitive Science, 16(2), 114–121. doi: 10.1016/j.tics.2011.12.007.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Jankowiak, W. R., & Fischer, E. F. (1992). A cross-cultural perspective on romantic love. Ethnology, 31, 149. doi: 10.2307/3773618.Google Scholar
Kelley, H. H., & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). Interpersonal relations. New York: Wiley.Google Scholar
Kumashiro, M., Rusbult, C. E., Wolf, S. T., & Estrada, M. J. (2006). The Michelangelo phenomenon: Partner affirmation and self-movement toward one’s ideal. In Finkel, E. & Vohs, K. (Eds.), Self and relationships: Connecting intrapersonal and interpersonal processes (pp. 317–341). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Kuss, D. J., & Griffiths, M. D. (2012). Internet and gaming addiction: A systematic literature review of neuroimaging studies. Brain Sciences, 2, 347–374. doi: 10.3390/brainsci2030347.Google Scholar
Mattingly, B. A., Lewandowski, G. W., & McIntyre, K. P. (2014). “You make me a better/worse person”: A two-dimensional model of relationship self-change. Personal Relationships, 21, 176–190. doi: 10.1111/pere.12025.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Morelli, S. A., Torre, J. B., & Eisenberger, N. I. (2014). The neural bases of feeling understood and not understood. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 9, 1890–1896. doi: 10.1093/scan/nst191.Google Scholar
Ortigue, S., & Bianchi-Demicheli, F. (2008). Why is your spouse so predictable? Connecting mirror neuron system and self-expansion model of love. Medical Hypotheses, 71, 941–944. doi: 10.1016/j.mehy.2008.07.016.Google Scholar
Ortigue, S., Bianchi-Demicheli, F., Hamilton, A. F. de C., & Grafton, S. T. (2007). The neural basis of love as a subliminal prime: An event-related functional magnetic resonance imaging study. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 19, 1218–1230. doi: 10.1162/jocn.2007.19.7.1218.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Perez, A., Carreiras, M., & Duñabeitia, J. A. (2017). Brain-to-brain entrainment: EEG interbrain synchronization while speaking and listening. Scientific Reports, 7, 1–11. doi: 10.1038/s41598-017-04464-4.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Pickering, M., & Garrod, S. (2004). Toward a mechanistic psychology of dialogue. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 27(2), 169–190. doi: 10.1017/S0140525X04000056.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E., Finkel, E. J., & Kumashiro, M. (2009). The Michelangelo phenomenon. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 18, 305–309. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-8721.2009.01657.x.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., Kubacka, K. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2009). “The part of me that you bring out”: Ideal similarity and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96, 61–82. doi: 10.1037/a0014016.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Rusbult, C. E., & Van Lange, P. A. M. (2003). Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Annual Review of Psychology, 54, 351–375. doi: 10.1146/annurev.psych.54.101601.145059.Google Scholar
Silbert, L. J., Honey, C. J., Simony, E., Poeppel, D., & Hasson, U. (2014). Coupled neural systems underlie the production and comprehension of naturalistic narrative speech. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111, E4687–E4696. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1323812111.Google Scholar
Slotter, E. B., & Gardner, W. L. (2009). Where do you end and I begin? Evidence for anticipatory, motivated self-other integration between relationship partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96, 1137–1151. doi: 10.1037/a0013882.Google Scholar
Stephens, G. J., Silbert, L. J., & Hasson, U. (2010). Speaker-listener neural coupling underlies successful communication. PNAS, 107, 14425–14430. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1008662107.Google Scholar
Stolk, A., Verhagen, L., & Toni, I. (2016). Conceptual alignment: How brains achieve mutual understanding. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20, 180–191. doi: 10.1016/j.tics.2015.11.007.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Takeuchi, H., Sekiguchi, A., Taki, Y., Yokoyama, S., Yomogida, Y., Komuro, N., Yamanouchi, T., Suzuki, S., & Kawashima, R. (2010). Training of working memory impacts structural connectivity. The Journal of Neuroscience, 30, 3297–3303. doi: 10.1523/jneurosci.4611-09.2010.Google Scholar
Thibaut, J. W., & Kelley, H. H. (1959). The social psychology of groups. New York: Wiley.Google Scholar
Wegner, D., Erber, R., & Raymond, P. (1991). Transactive memory in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 923–929. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.61.6.923.Google Scholar
Zajonc, R., Adelmann, B., Murphy, P., & Niedenthal, K. (1987). Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses. Motivation and Emotion, 11(4), 335–346. doi: 10.1007/BF00992848.Google Scholar
Zatorre, R. J., Fields, R. D., & Johansen-Berg, H. (2012). Plasticity in gray and white: Neuroimaging changes in brain structure during learning. Nature Neuroscience, 15, 528–536. doi: 10.1038/nn.3045.Google Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure coreplatform@cambridge.org is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×