Sister John opened a fresh notebook and began to write. Adoration welled up through the pain, closing of the gap between lover and Beloved. The force of his presence curved eternity in on itself; it was not her love rising after all, but his love pulling her toward him. She fell upward into brilliance, where all suffering was released.

In the fire of his embrace, all that was her ceased to exist. Only what was God remained.

[some days later, Sister John interacting with the Mother Superior]

Dear God, help me bear this –

“Are you sure you’re all right, dear? You look very pale.”

“Forgive me, Mother . . .”

The notebook fell off her lap.

have mercy

She was sure the blood vessels in her head would give way. . . ..

Her mind fractured under the pressure. She splintered like a broken glass . . . she was sure this had to be death, it had to be the end of everything, then her suffering blinked off.

an invisible sun

a shock wave of pure Being

swept my pain away, swept everything away

until all that was left was God.

[the diagnosis from Sister John’s physician]

“The EEG showed that you have an epileptic disorder, but so far the seizure activity is localized in the temporal-lobe area of the brain. That’s good – it’s kept you from having grand-mal attacks, the kind that spread across the whole brain and cause convulsions. Temporal-lobe seizures tend to be more psychological.”