So far I have argued that there is a human propensity for giving that cannot be explained by way of either normative or utilitarian theories. Giving is different from exchanging things of equal value: gifts comprise aspects of surplus and unconditionality, which are constitutive for the emergence of sociality. Non-equivalences and asymmetries thus lie at the very heart of the social. Moreover, the alternatives of giving vs. receiving and recognizing vs. disregarding have neither the same value nor the same origin. In human behavior, a primacy of successful cooperation is manifest, a primal sociality based on cooperation, recognition, and giving. Humans display prosocial spontaneous impulses just as much as selfish ones. Within as well as between groups, gifts can bring about trust and cooperation.

It is now time to introduce a distinction that is linked to the one made earlier between agonistic and non-agonistic gifts: the distinction between ordinary and extraordinary gifts. As we will see, the latter variety plays a significant role in conflictual situations and intercultural encounters.

Ordinary vs. extraordinary gifts

Ordinary gifts are often not considered to be gifts at all. They form an implicit part of interactions, stay in the background, and are not labeled or framed as gifts by the involved parties. They rest upon practical skills and implicit knowledge (see Adloff et al, 2015), and it is only when our routines are no longer effective that what used to be implicit becomes explicated. Consider the many shared practices we engage in on a daily basis: we greet one another, practice turn-taking in our conversations, do each other little favors, ignore mishaps to make sure that the other is not embarrassed, help each other in countless different ways. While largely unconscious, these practices of appreciating the other, sharing attention with them, and synchronizing our utterances and body movements in fact amount to gifts.

However, even these implicit, ordinary gifts come with a risk because they, too, are marked by an aspect of unconditionality. Social niceties and other signals of attention are not actually exchanged; they are given. We cannot say hello to someone on the condition that they will say hello back; such reciprocation is only made a fixed condition in agreements and contractual exchanges.