This chapter reviews our understanding of mutual respect and recognition, identifying it as a general form of cooperative interaction, underpinning practices of civility, sociability and intimacy. It distinguishes between ‘thin’ and ‘thick’ variants of civility and sociability, and throws new light on the nature of solidarity. It makes a connection between disrespect and social inequality, and attempts to show how the latter leads to the former. It criticises governmental approaches to respect, specifically the Respect Action Plan, arguing that these approaches are inherently disrespectful and therefore counterproductive. It explores the issue of ‘informal social control’ as an alternative to governmental approaches, arguing that this is better understood as a type of self-governance. It concludes with suggestions on how mutual respect and recognition may be better promoted in contemporary communities.

Respect, recognition and styles of interaction

Respect is about ‘how people value themselves and others’ – what Sayer (2005: 948) has called ‘lay normativity’ or ‘lay morality’. Sayer elaborates on this point as follows:

Respect therefore means valuing, caring about and being concerned for oneself and others. Such valuing and concern assumes a prior identification of the self and others that are valued – otherwise, the respect would have no object or focus. Respect, then, is not action in itself but a disposition to judgement. The action of paying or giving respect is recognition, that is an act of attributing value to a person. Recognition goes beyond respect in clearly signalling a degree of participation in social or public life.

This chapter is concerned with mutual respect, that is where individuals respect and are respected by others. Strictly speaking, however, since mutuality involves acts of exchange, this is really mutual recognition (the exchange of respect).