Dear Abbe,
We have many bottles of old or questionable chemicals in our histology lab. Unfortunately it's going to be costly to dispose of them. Any ideas on how to reduce our HazMat inventory inexpensively?
Cheapskate in Chico
Dear Cheapskate,
Heiliger Strohsack! I'm more than happy to expound on creative ways to dispose of waste material. Having expired or unstable chemicals around can be a pain, and it is even worse if they are acutely noxious. It's less hazardous these days to dispose of an unstable/acutely noxious colleague than to dispose of old chemicals! As I have discussed in the past, there are chemical and biological hazardous and, more importantly, administrative hazards. Not long ago a neighboring chemistry lab found some ancient picric acid squirreled away in a cabinet, called it in, and a bomb squad rushed to the lab to dispose of the horrible explosive. They had a nice break as the building was immediately evacuated. This was particularly effective since it disrupted a scheduled administrative meeting with them. Or use my method (if you don't mind the risk of getting caught transporting hazardous materials). A colleague and I discovered several old, crusty cans of ether hidden in the back of a cabinet. A nice rind had formed around the cap of the metal cans, and I talked him into taking them to a fallow field several miles from town. He was a bit puzzled until I had us walk about 50 yards, kneel behind a berm, and insert some earplugs. I pulled out my trusty Mauser rifle and started plinking the cans. My, what fireworks! My friend did not seem amused. Donnerwetter!
Looking for creative ways to escape meetings and interpersonal hazards? Aren't comfortable handling explosive situations? Give Herr Abbe an opportunity to make it more dangerous! Contact him via his unstable assistant at johnshields59@gmail.com.
