Let me expound the mystery

of ‘sticker-up’ cookery.

First slice your kangaroo

cutlets, three or two

inch broad, one third thick.

Next cut a stick

that's four feet long,

making sure it's clean and strong.

Spit your cutlets on —

which end? — the narrower one!

Now here's the trick! Thread

upon its sharpened head

some delicately rosy bacon.

Thrust your stake in

to leeward of the fire.

Soon will start a choir

of frizzle, splutter, steam.

Just you see the bacon gleam!

As the bacon softens, watch

a lubricating shower of rich

and savoury tears downflow

to the leaner kangaroo below.

‘And gentlemen,’ as gay

old Mr Hardcastle would say

if he were dining in the great outdoor

‘there is really nothing more

enticing to a hungry man at least

than being in attendance at this kind of feast.

There are times I feel my poor heart breaking

for stuck-up kangaroo and bacon!’

Though to be fair,

kangaroo's a lot like hare.