A Gentleman to a Lady who humourously resents his Mistress's Fondness of a Monkey, and Indifference to himself.

Madam,

I must be under the less Regret, for the Contempt with which you receive my Addresses, when your Favour is wholly engrossed by so wretched a Rival: For ought a rational Man to wonder he is received with Neglect and Slight by a Lady who can be taken up with the Admiration of a chattering Monkey? But pray be so good as to permit me to reason the Matter a little with you. I would ask you then, By what extraordinary Endowment this happy Creature has found Means to engross your Favour? Extravagance is never commendable: But while I am dying beneath your Frowns, how can you be profuse in your Caresses to so mean a Competitor? Condescend to view us in the same Light:What valuable Qualification is Mr. Pug endowed with, which I am destitute of? What can he do, which I cannot perform, tho’ with less Agility, to full as good Purpose? Is it a Recommendation in him that he wears no Breeches? Formy part, I willmost willingly surrender mine at your Feet. Be impartial for once: Place us together before you:View our Faces, our Airs, our Shapes, and our Language. If he be handsomer than I, which, on a strict Scrutiny, I hope will not be allowed him neither, pray try our Wits: However acute he may be, I can assure you I reckon myself no Fool; if I was, I should less resent the Preference you give against me. I will sing or dance with him for his Ears: Turn him loose to me, I will fight him, if that be necessary to obtain your Favour; or do any thing in the World to shew you how much I am, and shall ever be, if you’ll permit it,

Your very humble Admirer.