Adolphine arrived at my home bright and early on an April morning in 2014. On this cold Autumn day she was snugly dressed in a navy jumper and denims. As always she hugged and greeted me warmly, but she seemed preoccupied and I sensed she had something of huge importance on her mind.

On 28 March 2014 she had received news of Muamuya's death. Sepano had returned to Cape Town with contact numbers of people whom he’d asked to keep an eye on his wife's beloved grandmother. She was usually restrained in her recounting of so many tragic events, but this time tears of grief flowed freely during the kind of long sacred silence where words are of no consequence: Muamuya was the last link with the family Adolphine had lost.

To compound her sorrow, her firstborn, Ilunga, had been involved in a car accident on an overcast day earlier that month when a commemoration service had been held for Muamuya in Kraaifontein, as Congolese custom dictated. He was on his way back from the station where he’d taken some of the funeral-goers when the crash happened at a traffic intersection where the lights were out of order. Ilunga had slowed down to turn left, but another car slammed into the passenger side of his car at speed. The driver had lost control of his vehicle.

Ilunga, now eighteen, was unhurt, but highly traumatised and Sepano's car was written off during the accident, which leaves the family without their own transport. The driver of the other car is now demanding payment for the damage to his car by coming to the Kabangos’ home and harassing them. The children were so upset by his threats that they started locking doors at all hours and were constantly fretting about the situation. But Adolphine told them confidently: “you don't have to worry. We know the laws and the policies of this country. Just be cool and move on. Leave the door open, we will face him. The law will take its course.” They looked at her, relieved and amused, and said: “Mama, you are still the same – not afraid through all the challenges”.

Adolphine turned forty on 24 February 2014, and she will have been in South Africa for sixteen years. “Although my traumatic experiences caused desperate times when my thoughts were never far from how much I’ve lost, I’ve survived so much.