Introduction

Since 2009 my academic life has been dominated by travel back and forth to Palestine, usually in three-month blocks, with prolonged periods spent living in East Jerusalem and most recently, Bethlehem. While the substance of my work has changed over time, from an ethnographic analysis of Palestinian commemoration to focused qualitative research with children and young people, I have consistently endeavoured to garner a deeper understanding on issues relating to everyday life under occupation. Working in an area embroiled in an intractable conflict is not a decision one takes lightly. The opportunity to do so is a privilege, one that carries personal responsibility and a commitment to adhere to the maxim, ‘Do No Harm’. Whereas much still remains to be said about how researchers can act to mitigate the harm done to a reluctant, over-researched and in many ways, exploited population, so, too, is there a need to be cognisant of the impact of such work on your own wellbeing, both physical and for the purposes of the forthcoming analysis, emotional. This chapter champions the role of diary writing as catharsis when seeking to generate reflexivity and to recover what Frey and Castro (2016, p 143) have called, ‘the black box of the “inner researcher”.’ Fieldwork of any type, regardless of the threat of violence, is messy, generates confusion, and can lead to uncertainty of thought and action (Burgess, 1981; Silverman, 2005). When the work is conducted against the backdrop of violent and unpredictable conflict, feelings of personal uncertainty and apprehension are exponentially increased (Sriram et al, 2009). It has been suggested that fieldwork must rank as one of the most disagreeable activities humanity has fashioned for itself (Shaffir and Stebbins, 1991, p xi). Although overzealous, Shaffir and Stebbins (1991) are right to highlight that research conducted with an omnipresent threat of violence is, at best, uncomfortable. In choosing to share first-hand diary entries from my time in Palestine, this chapter responds to Malacrida's (2007, p 1334) criticism in that, ‘relatively little is said about the impact of emotional topics on researchers themselves.’

With reference to personal experience, this chapter highlights the important role that diary keeping assumed when seeking to process the impact of a particularly violent spike in the conflict across Palestine.