So you think there are times when the demands of politeness, the burdens of restraint are more than you can handle? You think it is easy to shed the trappings of civility? Then why does it take alcohol, exhaustion, or a dare to get you to let the truth about your desires and feelings all hang out (for the daws to peck at)? Norbert Elias would have us believe that it was the work of centuries to make us think politeness was easier than directness. It took a lot of time, a shifting of political and social arrangements, he argues, to make our self-restraint feel more natural than our lack of restraint. But I doubt there was ever a time when it was easier to be truthful than to put on masks and veils, even if the kinds of masks and veils in other times strike us as crude and vulgar now.

Yet there are some who chuck all veneers of civility, claiming (though this is often a pose) to be under the sway of a strong emotion, such as anger, or a strong desire, such as a sexual one. Others do not offer the excuse of a strong desire as long as they have pals, drugs, or booze urging them on to be more vulgar than mere “nature” would ever let them be.

Suppose two people take one look at each other and immediately desire to do the deed.