In the past two chapters we have looked at two of the three parts that make up the understanding strategy – an alternative way of thinking about happiness.

In contrast to the strategy of control, it does not involve getting everything in our lives just right and the problems that come from going to war with reality. Instead, we have seen that through embracing uncertainty and being curious towards our lives, we can discover what we most care about and are truly capable of.

The outcome of this strategy, however, is not security. The process of curiosity is not an alternative means of achieving a stable set of circumstances that will give us a lasting sense of meaning and satisfaction. Happiness comes from understanding, but not the kind of happiness we typically think about in modern society. In the previous chapter, we looked at how continuing to be curious towards our lives opens us up to experiences of beauty and gratitude, and greater flexibility in response to the challenges we face. This process of curiosity is also what gives our lives breadth and depth, and the internal resources to live up to what really matters. These are all forms of happiness we would naturally recognise. However, in this chapter we will see that the same mindset and process opens us up to experiences and circumstances that we would typically try to avoid, let alone include in our vision of happiness. This alternative way of thinking about happiness is less clear-cut than the control strategy. It involves as much sorrow as it does joy, and as much failure as it does success.

Happiness, according to the understanding strategy, does not come from eliminating as many of our vulnerabilities and insecurities as possible. It acknowledges that our insecurity is here to stay. Instead, happiness comes from learning how to improve our lives within our insecurity.