In Part I, we looked at the wrong way to think about happiness. We want more security and stability than is possible. We try to achieve it through power and control, which is limited. And we are overly confident and certain in the face of complexity and uncertainty. The control strategy doesn't work. The problem with going to war with reality is that reality will ultimately win.

In Part II, we will look at an alternative way of thinking about happiness. Before doing so, however, it is worth understanding the appeal of the control strategy and going to war with reality. We only need to look around us to see that the strategy works to some extent. You are probably reading this somewhere comfortable – safe from any immediate danger, and hopefully in reasonably good health. When you stop reading this, you will probably have food to eat, water to drink, a place to sleep and so on. These circumstances of relative security have come about through a long process of control and a certainty mindset. If we go to war with reality, with enough (literal) blood, sweat and tears, we will win some of our battles.

It is also important to realise just how appealing – and necessary – going to war with reality can sometimes seem. After witnessing a significant loss, for example, in the grips of great suffering, reality can be unbearable. Of course, we would do everything in our power to change our circumstances. The fact that such suffering is inevitable at some point in our lives may be of little consolation.

In offering an alternative way of thinking about happiness, therefore, I do not want to rule out the control strategy completely. The war metaphor is a deliberate one. Despite the problems and atrocities of war, it may sometimes be necessary. We should, however, only engage in war and conflict as a last resort – when all other options have been fully explored. This is how we should think about happiness and our relationship to reality. Yes, life can sometimes be unbearable and we need to do everything we can to change things. But we do have an alternative.