No one has a definitive answer as to why the same parents often raise children that turn out very differently, but it happens time and again. I grew up in such a family. One of my brothers never “lifted off ” to function independently of my parents. Occasional forays towards independence invariably ended in some type of crash and burn. He would lose a job, get sick, or be terribly lonely. My parents would again take care of him. He was a source of great anguish for my family. My other two brothers and I coped and assumed adult responsibility more easily. How to understand this? My parents were good, hard-working people and dearly loved all of their children.

In my practice as a psychiatrist specializing in treating families, I routinely consult with parents who are having more difficulty raising one child than the others. The child is usually having some mixture of academic, behavioral, or health problems. Whether he is the oldest or the youngest child, the parents often say that he or she seems less mature, more insecure, more intense, more sensitive, or more dependent than their other children. They are worried and usually at their wits' end about how to help their son or daughter.

The differences between siblings are not always marked, but statistical studies show that significant disparities in the overall life adjustment of siblings are more the rule than the exception.