Chapter 4 proposed that personality and moral development proceeds from internal to external to synthetic narcissism. The internally narcissistic child is a seeker of gratification, and to the extent that others are differentiated from self, they are seen as instruments for the child's fulfillment. With external narcissism, ideal self-images, values, and conceptions of right and wrong are internalized from significant others and from the larger society. Conflicts between ego ideal set-goals and competing wishes lead to anxiety, shame, and guilt. Synthetically narcissistic processes rest upon greater differentiation of one's own ideals and values from those of the group or early introjects, and represent a synthesis of self and other in which neither is consistently used as a tool for the other.

When placed back to back, the resemblance between this model and the model of the development of culture and morality is striking, and the reader is likely to think to himself, “Aha! This is one more ‘individual writ large’ theory of society.” A political scientist with expertise in political and socioeconomic development read an early draft of these ideas several years ago and responded that the developmental models made a great deal of sense, but that they were too neat. I did not appreciate that comment until some time later, but when I began to shed my desire for metaphysical ordering principles by which to make sense of the world, I started to search for data that would throw the theory a bit off, so that the symmetry would not be so perfect.