Many people experience what is described as shame acutely, reactively, and only for a short space of time. For some, however, shame is a permanent trait or sentiment rather than a temporary state (Tantam 1998: 168). It becomes a dominant characteristic, a deeply engrained habitual mode of reacting to self and others. Such people may be described as shame-bound, shame-ridden, shame-prone, or toxically or chronically shamed. They live permanently diminished, distrustful, unhappy and uncomfortable lives: ‘Any human emotion can become internalized. When internalized an emotion stops functioning in the manner of an emotion and becomes a characterological style … The person doesn't have anger or melancholy, she is angry and melancholy’ (Bradshaw 1988: 10–11).

Here are a couple of examples from my own recent experience of what it means to have a personality shaped by a pervasive sense of shame and being ashamed.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a station buffet when a friend of mine whom I had not seen for about ten years walked in. I recognised him immediately but he did not see or recognise me.