The rejected stalker

Clinical features

One of the commonest forms of stalking is that which emerges in the context of the breakdown of a close relationship. Typically the rejected partner begins to stalk after their partner has attempted to end the relationship, or indicated that he or she intends to end the relationship. The overt aim of the stalking is either to attain a reconciliation or to exact revenge for the rejection. In practice the stalker not infrequently entertains a mixture of both of these goals, the dominant motivation shifting with circumstances and the ex-partner's responses. The usual relationship to give rise, at its dissolution, to stalking is an intimate sexual partnership, but the breakdown of any close relationship in which the rejected partner has invested emotional energy can usher in stalking. In our own experience we have seen stalking emerge following rifts between close friends, parents and their children, longterm work and business partnerships and even therapists and their clients (patients). The essential elements are the stalker's sense of having had his or her rights and prerogatives violated by the unilateral attempt to sever the relationship, combined, to a greater or lesser extent, with a sense of loss at the end of an important relationship. The rage at rejection is often augmented by distress at the perceived unfairness or humiliating nature of the rejection.