It used to start with a whisper, two people mumbling a few words about what they think you are. Your closeness to another of the same sex was sufficient evidence to show them you are not like them. Then the whisper would grow louder; it would circulate among many until you look for proof of the word. Lesbian. They would tell you this is who you are. And you would believe them.

For days the dictionary would be your friend. It would reveal your existence, each letter spelling out your new name. Lesbian (noun). There you would see yourself, printed in black on white. A homosexual woman. A woman attracted to other women. ‘This is me!’ you would exclaim at the sight of yourself. The meeting would be an exhilarating encounter. Finally you have been reunited, with yourself.

Once you have accepted this name, things start to change. At first you ignore them – thinking it is just a passing phase. One day your best friend at school declares, ‘I’m not sure I should play with you because I don't want to be a lesbian.’ She draws out each letter as if it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. ‘I’m not contagious,’ you spit out as a response. She runs off without a goodbye. You do not chase after her but are unsure why. ‘She will come back,’ you console yourself. It is only a matter of time until she understands.

At home things are not easy. Your mother worries about you taking such a label. ‘You are only 13,’ she keeps reminding you. ‘Maybe you will change your mind and you will be attracted to boys,’ she says. It is too exhausting to argue with her. At her age, she knows best. But you know yourself too. In any case, there is no winner in this conversation, so it is better that you keep quiet. She believes she is right and you see through her fears. Your silence calms her. It makes her believe you are considering her wisdom.

Your father, who is always there, pretends to not know what is happening. Every day you look at each other deeply, in silence. He is your favourite guy, and although your sister would disagree, you are his favourite.