I can imagine a future where developments of the Fourth Industrial Revolution (4IR), like machine learning and big data computation, will have made it possible for people to find perfect love, not only with humanoid robots but with other people. I can envision that, in such a future, a human being could be enabled to ascertain whether the other human they select as a potential long-term partner, and who may declare love for them, might end up violating them. People would be able to rule out potentially abusive mates. This could be of incalculable help in drastically reducing violence in our society, perhaps even changing how we love.

However, I do not have the skills to develop an intelligent machine that would help to control or predict violence in relationships. Neither should you come to me looking for how to end violence by men against men, against unknown women, against children or against the planet.

I have learned, though, that if you bring up a child in a war zone you are more likely to create a warrior. But that is not the only reason why children grow up to love violence, for even in violent countries like this one, we do get a Desmond Tutu. In other words, we can still nurture non-violent masculinity, solidarity among the genders, support for one another, empathy and compassion, even in a country like ours.

It is common cause that, according to some people, the only antagonistic force against violence is tougher policing – which is to say, a larger police force, increased militarisation of society, more prisons, more lethal arms, weapons that can inflict even greater destruction. In this worldview the one with the biggest muscles or weapons wins. Many individuals, groups and countries believe that. Not just gangsters, but army and police generals, presidents of countries and multinational corporations believe it. So do ordinary men and women you might walk past in a supermarket: violence has to be met with more violence.

Other people believe love will conquer all. That is the staple of films and literature, although these works tend to concentrate on passionate love to the exclusion of the many other kinds of love.