Why is restorative justice so special? Often, the people involved meet only twice in their lives. The first time was out of control, full of hurt. At the next meeting, both are reaching out, trying to connect with one another across the gap. Restorative justice uses the energy unleashed from the crime to lift people upwards from the lower levels of empathy, where the focus is on the self, to the higher levels, where the focus is also on the other. Empathy is not only about trying to understand the other person's world; it is also about communicating that understanding to that person. Often, the tipping/melting point, when the focus shifts from self to other, when the connection is made, happens at the point during the restorative meeting termed the ‘transition stage’ exactly for this reason. With the right conditions and a skilful practitioner, the process works by itself, people are pulled closer together knowing that the other person holds the key to their own healing, like subatomic particles that are attracted by an invisible force.

As we have seen, closing the gap is a delicate business. Restorative justice involves a journey with many steps, and it is important to follow each step carefully. Processing and ultimately letting go of something as harmful as a crime takes time. An instant apology is not going to do it; instant forgiveness and acceptance are not going to do it. Stories have to be told, needs voiced and addressed. Both parties must forgive themselves to move forward. Restorative justice provides a safe space for this communication, encouraging a willingness to grapple with difficult emotions, to explore uncomfortable needs and seek consensus on a way forward.

Crime is dehumanising. It is an invasion of our lives, wrenches away our control and damages our sense of self. Every crime involves a breach of one or other of the shared values or principles that make society work, which have been translated over time into our code of law. We are usually unaware of how strongly we hold those values until someone violates them, when we are shocked and outraged. As a response to crime, restorative justice is re-humanising, appeals to our common humanity and rebuilds lives through the ‘lost art of explanation, consideration, apology and reintegration’.