Good Evening, Ester (Night, Day 3)

I hope I have not caused you any anxiety in writing to you like this. I am much better now. Mehmed Esad's visit caught me unawares, that is all. Or rather, the manner in which the State Security apparatus decided to contact me caught me unaware. Although I still do not know why they contacted me, at least now I have regained some semblance of my old serenity. And stepping outside for some fresh air was also a good idea; taking a stroll through this ancient city's old, worldly streets, browsing Pera's gleaming shops and stores and losing myself amongst throngs of people out to enjoy themselves did me the world of good. The more I walked, the more my woes seemed to vanish. The damp breeze coming in from the sea blew away the gloom that seemed to have stuck fast to the corridors of my mind. Which writer was it that said it was when he was walking that his stories came to him? Of course, my situation is not fictional like his; indeed, my situation may still prove fatal. But it is still possible that somebody may have conjured up such a scenario whilst walking.

So yes, this time I went for a long walk. From Pera Palace all the way to Pangaltı… Not a brisk walk but more of an amble, where with each step I reflected upon my predicament, imagining, speculating and envisaging what may lay in store for me. And at the end of this two-hour stroll, I came to a decision as a result of my ruminations, and the decision was that I should wait. Just wait, without any action on my part. Just wait, today and tomorrow. Because I am the prey. The target. What's more, I have already surrendered. I have handed myself over to my trackers, without resisting, without any attempt to flee. The men stalking me most probably sensed this decision and decided to leave me in peace as nobody followed me this evening. Not the three men from yesterday nor any others were on my tail, which made Mehmed Esad's tale all the more plausible. Once he'd made contact with me, he'd called his snoops off… End of story.