The effects of parent loss on marital quality were striking and consistent in the national survey: More often than not, following a parent's death, marital quality deteriorates. For example, among adults who did not experience a parent's death, conflict with their spouse changed very little over a three-year period. Moreover, the change that did occur tended to be in a positive direction. However, among those adults who lost a parent during this period, conflict with a spouse actually increased.

I was a bit surprised at the consistency of these negative effects across various aspects of couples’ marriages. Certainly, it seemed plausible that the loss might bring couples closer together, providing an opportunity for a spouse to support and console the bereaved adult. So, for me, the results from the national survey raised as many questions as they answered. In my interviews with the bereaved, I found the answers to many of these questions.

TORN ASUNDER

Emotional needs run high after the death of a parent. Although most partners attempt to support the bereaved person, many desire more attention and support than they receive.