Good Morning, Ester (Morning, Day 8)

The rain has started again. Serene, calm, without fuss or commotion, like a woman silently crying to herself. I'm not one of those people that likes to predict what the day will be like by looking at the weather. I don't believe in such absurdities. Storms, winds, rain and clouds may be portents in Shakespeare's plays but in reality, they are just blind forces of nature. And yet despite knowing this, I have a sinking feeling in my heart today. I'm going to see Cezmi, to get news about you. To find out whether there is any truth in the rumour that has brought hope to my world. I'm not going right now but later on this afternoon. I may even hold till the evening as there is no point in meeting the old major if he hasn't spoken to Çolak Cafer. I might even go tomorrow; that way, at least there will be more of a guarantee. Hang on. I can't wait that long. I need to find about you today. I need to find out where you're staying and knock on your door, even if it is in the middle of the night. I know it may not be right or appropriate but I can't take much more.

I went down to breakfast thinking I was hungry but actually all I had was half a slice of bread, a small piece of cheese and some coffee. And no, I shan't read the newspaper today. I'm not in the mood for politics. I should perhaps find Reşit. He may want to come with me. Going to Cezmi's house by myself may not be a good idea. But Reşit was nowhere to be seen so I went over to reception to ask after him.

‘Morning Ömer. Is Reşit Bey around?’

‘Morning sir’, Ömer replied brightly. ‘I'm afraid he hasn't arrived yet. Actually, he is normally here at this time so he has either been delayed or is busy with some other work.’

Why was he late? Hopefully nothing had happened to him. I could already feel the doubts and the misgivings gather, those sinister whisperings… I quietly told myself to pull myself together.