Good Morning, Ester (Morning, Day 5)

I was awoken at midnight by someone knocking on my door. While I tried to shake off my drowsiness and work out what was going on, it suddenly hit me. They were here. They had come. For days I had been struggling, trying to tell myself they would not come but now they were here. The funny thing is, I didn't feel any fear. I had felt much greater fear when Kara Kemal was killed, something akin to panic, whereas now I was as serene as a condemned man who has come to accept the finality of his grisly fate. I got up out of bed, slowly and unhurriedly, told them to wait a second, and then went over to the silver-framed mirror on the wall where I smoothed down my hair and tidied myself up as I did not want to look scruffy before my executioners. I walked casually over to the door and opened it. And who did I see peering at me? Who else but Reşit! Of course, seeing a friend standing there instead of the police was a relief but when I saw how flustered he was, I realised all was not well.

‘Well, well, what a surprise’, I said, welcoming in my unexpected guest. ‘How are you doing, Reşit?’

He took a step forward but still glanced nervously up and down the corridor before entering my room.

‘'Not too good, Şehsuvar ağabey’, he said anxiously. ‘The police are about to raid the hotel. They're looking for someone, apparently. They didn't give us much in the way of details.’

So my gut instincts had not betrayed me – they were going to capture me, and tonight too. I still felt the need to ask. ‘Is it me they're looking for?’

He ran his fingers over his hand helplessly.

‘I don't know but who else can it be? If that lowlife Mehmed Esad has ratted you out, then I'm afraid it might mean… Oh, Şehsuvar, I told you he couldn't be trusted…’

The poor man was so terrified, I forgot my own woes and tried to calm him down.