Taking responsibility

The first block that can thwart the natural impulse we all have to close the gaps we create with others is the common tendency to deny or justify our harmful actions, to become defensive, to avoid taking responsibility. The concept of ‘responsibility’ is a crucial and complex theme for restorative justice, and in this book, I will identify three aspects to the term. This first one looks back to what happened and says: ‘Yes, I admit that I did my part in it, I was responsible’ (the other two come later). A restorative approach isn't possible if the perpetrator flatly denies involvement. ‘I wasn't there’ is not going to work as a starting position in a restorative meeting. If they were there, it may be possible to build from this position, to help them identify which parts of the incident they were responsible for – even if it is only their failure to stop it happening. Taking responsibility for wrongdoing is difficult and painful, as we try to ward off feeling bad by shielding our inner ‘soft spot’ with defensive thinking. In Chapter Two, we considered how people who offend often minimise the impact of their actions (‘They were insured anyway – it won't cost them anything’), shift the blame (‘She had been winding me up all day’), deny their involvement (‘He just fell over – I didn't push him’), deny that they had self-control (‘I just saw red’) or insist that they were entitled (‘Everybody else has one, why shouldn't I?’).

It can be hard to challenge a tendency to ‘blame the victim’, either for bringing the crime upon themselves (for leaving a window open, looking at someone the wrong way, spreading rumours on the web, going out with the wrong girl or boy, starting the fight) or for ‘grassing’ and getting others in trouble. Many people who offend are masters at playing down and minimising their actions and set about dehumanising the person they hurt. Even if the person responsible appears to have this strongly entrenched attitude, a restorative meeting may not be impossible, although the person harmed will be warned not to expect too much – and may not want to go ahead.

Taking responsibility is particularly challenging for younger people if their criminal activities are encouraged or condoned by their parents.