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7 - Shitsuke: The Art of Child Rearing

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  05 June 2012

Susan D. Holloway
Susan D. Holloway
Affiliation:
University of California, Berkeley
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Summary

If he doesn't listen to me, I sometimes slap his butt. I tell him, “OK, I am going to expose your butt and I will let other people look.” So if there is a woman or girl around, he would get really embarrassed … I sometimes care about other people's eyes, though. I usually scold them when I go shopping. But when I am with friends I do not scold my child enough, because I care about what my friends think.

(Junko, high school educated, low self-efficacy mother of two)

I don't know what I should say … I don't know what words I should use … When I scold her, she becomes really sullen and she cries easily. So, sometimes, I really don't know what to say. At those times, I just leave her alone … I become sad. When I think about what I can say to this child, I become sad. She doesn't understand what her parent is saying … At times, I get stressed over figuring out what I should be doing.

(Kayoko, middle school educated, low self-efficacy mother of two)

Raising a child is not an easy task. In Junko's comments about discipline, quoted above, she alternated between defending her use of corporal punishment and criticizing herself for not being skillful in her discipline methods. Kayoko's comments reflect her considerable anxiety about how to communicate with her daughter.

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Women and Family in Contemporary Japan , pp. 119 - 142
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2010

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