Published: Pioneer, 16 April 1888; Pioneer Mail; 18 April 1888; The Week's News, 21 April 1888.

Attribution: In Scrapbook 4 (28/4, p. 56).

Text: Pioneer.

Notes: The title puns on that of W. B. Rhodes's Bombastes Furioso, 1810, a popular burlesque. A follow-up to ‘The “Kingdom” of Bombay’, to which the Times of India had imprudently replied.

‘Bombaystes Furioso’ has been reprinted in the Martindell–Ballard pamphlets and in Harbord, iv, 2018–21.

Once more the Presidencies and the Provinces gathered upon the Central Indian plains to discuss the day's dâk. For half an hour no sound broke the silence but the ripping of dockets and the fluttering of newspapers. At the end of that time Madras chuckled audibly: “Joseph objects to being pitted,” he said. “Who? What? ‘Nother scandal? I beg your pardon, Madras,” said Bengal. “No, Bombay, my brethren.” Madras plunged into the paper afresh and laughed. “Just as I expected. What a nickel plated prig it is!”

“Let's hear. Don't keep it all to yourself,” said the Punjab, who was fresh from a long parade and was rather sleepy. “Any more Empires been born lately in Mazagaon or the Mahim woods? What is the matter with our Thrice Puissant Sovereign now?”

“He says,” began Madras, clearing his throat. “He says:– ‘Don't you think yourself awfully funny neither?’”

“Doesn't sound exactly like a leading article,” said the North-West, “give us the ipsissima – no, imperialissima – verba.”

Madras read:– “The refined women and educated men who read the Pioneer must appreciate the delicate wit of ‘lifting a man by the slack of his ducks’.” “What did I tell you,” said Bengal. “You up-country men behaved shamefully at that Court-martial. Of course he goes on the ‘culchaw’ tack and the Saturday Review lay. You gave him an opening.” “Gave him a good deal more than that. It was a shutting up,” said the Punjab stroking his moustache. “Never mind. Let him have his little morality.